“Lars and the Real Doll” — A Donkey Dick Movie Review By Alex Smith

Hi. I’m Alex Smith. I own a sybian.

I use this so I can nap while my prostitutes (or “toots” as I like to call them) get themselves off. I have so much money that I can literally afford to NOT fuck prostitutes.
But the reason I’m writing here today is that I’m actually [...]

Dear 1994, IT’S REZNOR DAY! (SATURDAY)

Hey Baby! Some people call me the Space Cowboy! Doo-doo doo doo doo! The Panhandler of Love!
Yo, you can’t handle my version of Reznor day. You just can’t. You just can’t!
Picture this: Amy “Lawless” Lawless at 16. Or whatevs. I’m like maybe 17. It [...]

NEW RULE REGARDING IMAGES

New rule on the Roberts Blog.   We will only post penises, vaginas, and other non-work friendly images on Fridays after 5 tills like Saturday 5 pm.   That way, you can check your Roberts Blogs all week with no fear of getting the axe from Big Brother.    Den, when you get home from work on Friday [...]

Paris Hilton: Increase Penile Density, Decrease Vaginal Intensity

Hey Girls, Taye-Taye here!

I just finished my second test at nursing school and I got a 10/10!!! Anyway, onto the weekly news!
ITEM!!!!!
Magic: The Gathering cards found at the home of S. Alan Larner and I Am Legend.

Taye-Taye Talk: “Break the rubber parachute and buck up to the 6-9 Expressway, girl!”
ITEM!!!!!
Paris Hilton’s vagina exterminated by I [...]

I Am Legend

Sally, where are you? I’m really scared in this dungeon you put me in, baby. Give me one last shot at getting it right with this erotic prose.

Okay, so…um…shit. Right, got it. Dude is walking down the street and sees this girl. Oh, by the way- true story.
The girl’s Asian, but…you know…not too Asian. You [...]

Miss Roberts

Here are some things that make Roberts vomit.
 JFK AUTOPSY PHOTOS

 Sure Ok, ROBERTS. That’s fair. It’s pretty gross. I get it. 
Pictures of Marilyn Dead:

 Wait a minute, ROBERTS. SHe looks like she’s sleeping. That’s …..just of pin up of Sleeping Marilyn!  But Ok, I guess it’s ok.  You’re imagining this as being her autopsy photo.  A stretch, [...]

S. ALAN LARNER SPEAKS!!!

As Tall as Oak, and Twice as Hard: A Full and Accurate Account of my Travels In the Eastern Region of the United States of America and How I came to Hear of the Sage and Healer Roberts and What Events Befell Me Before and After Having Heard the Rumors and My Subsequent Determination to [...]

Hot Sex Story For Sally

I wanted to take a stab at erotic writing, to try to impress Sally, our good friend over at Proper or Pleased. I’m hoping that Sally will be kind enough to review my work, and maybe give me a few pointers.
So, without further ado, here goes!
Okay, so, true story, first of all. Her name is [...]

Roberts Needs People To Like Him

THE ENEMY AMONG US

God damnit. What is GOING ON?
Ok, here. Look at us. Alex, if you’re offended by this picture shadow Roberts took of us, delete it. But god damn it. Look at how pathetic and tan and relaxed we look. We don’t know how to handle “strangers” “commenting on our blog.” I’ve [...]

A Reply to “I Stand Alone”

In response to the latest House, M.D. posting, we received the following comment:
I Stand Alone Said:
“The tshirt is totally rad. I have a question about House and their episodes about ravers. First, I think ravers are extinct in America (they may still continue in Britian and Ibiza). This doesn’t stop House from making shows [...]

Dear Alex,

Why Does Roberts Love Scaffolding So Much?
I’m afraid the answer lies in the Bavarian Forest with Scott Larner.
My best,
Amy

Natural Disaster or Roberts?

Natural Disaster or Caused by Steve Roberts?
Natural Disaster:

Or Roberts?

Q1. Hermit Crabs.

Always crashing at your place. Natural Disaster Or Roberts?
A1:
This one is a roberts. No doubt.

Q2. 9-11.

A2. This one is difficult. The terror came from the sky. But I can’t really say that it was natural. It was an evil [...]

Vagina Dentata

Nothin Says “I Love You” like a Vagina with Teeth.

And nothin says Roberts like the word Roberts. And nothing says racism like D’Onofrio getting his shoes shined by a black boy.

Guess Who?

Who does this remind you of?